As an attorney, I am uniquely positioned to observe people and the way they behave at the most critical times in life.
Over the years, I have started to notice that people of all walks of life act in similar ways when they deal with serious situations.
It’s Human Nature To Avoid Dealing With Problems
Whether the issue is getting out of a toxic marriage, leaving an overly stressful job or paying off past debts, many people would rather avoid the issue than actively try to make a plan to make things better.
It is always more comfortable to continue doing things the way you are already familiar with instead of changing your whole life routine. I think this is a vital mistake too many people make that can lead to undue stress and anxiety.
Data shows that this behavior can lead to lost sleep, health problems and marital problems. Actively dealing with problems in life, and getting the help you need, is the only way to go forward and lead a happy life.
The main problem with avoiding issues in life is that they simply just don’t go away with time.
You hope that by ignoring the situation, it might resolve itself. They tend to get worse the longer you leave them to fester without being properly informed or communicating with someone about them.
Not only is there the chance that the problem can get worse without you knowing, there is also the stress and anxiety of constantly carrying the problem around by yourself.
When you constantly focus on an issue by yourself with no outside input, it is easy for your mind to get fixated on it and your thoughts to be consumed with the situation.
Next thing you know, you’re spending all your days thinking about the issue and day dreaming about how bad things might get. You can’t sleep at night because the issue is all you can think about.
In a strange way, it is like you’re trapped in a mental prison of your own making.
Technology sometimes makes the problem even worse. Using google to search the issue you are having and reading uninformed opinions and speculation posted on the internet can make you even more stressed out than you were before.
Of course, there are reasons that people put off dealing with stressful situations for long periods of time. These reasons are understandable, but not excusable.
Over years, I’ve seen certain patterns emerge in the way most people deal with these serious problems that crop up in life. Certain personality traits, outside factors and existing misconceptions cause people to act in one of a few distinct ways.
Shame Causes A Lot Or People To Put Off Solving Their Problems
Shame is one of the most common reasons for people to put off dealing with a stressful life situation.
Sharing a serious life problem with the people closest to you, like a spouse or children, can be hard for anyone. In my experience, parents with a family to support are often ashamed to admit that they have failed in trying to provide for them.
After all, no one dreams of telling their husband or wife they are dealing with a serious life problem, particularly if the problem is one caused by your own doing. But the pressure of holding the stress in and not telling the people closest to them can cause even more lost sleep, stress and anxiety.
In other situations, it is the fear of what others will think and the shame of losing a good reputation that causes people to put off dealing with things.
It is not just unsuccessful people who experience issues. Sometimes people who are well known and respected in the community experience the same problems as those who are less established in life.
Technology like social media has caused everyone’s private life and business to become more public, and open to commentary from everyone.
Look at how celebrities and public figures are ridiculed for going bankrupt or being part of a messy divorce. The very real and understandable issues that these people experience is fodder for gossip magazines and speculation. For example, data shows that half of marriages in the United States end in divorce, but people are less than sympathetic when a marriage of two well-known people ends in a split.
Regular people do not want to experience this in real life, seeing coworkers and family members whisper every time they enter a room. No one dreams of experiencing setbacks in life, but dealing with them is a part of normal life, and the shame you may feel is temporary.
Procrastination Is Another Roadblock To Solving Problems
Some people are natural procrastinators, who tend to put off doing everything until the last possible minute in life.
Procrastination is a common character trait across all ages and genders. Some procrastinators are just plain lazy, while others would rather pass the day dreaming big dreams instead of living in reality.
Many people will put stressful things off for weeks, months or even years rather than simply make a plan for dealing with them. I have seen people put off everything from small tasks to large, life changing events just because they are unmotivated to deal with the process of getting them done. They would rather spend hours day dreaming about tomorrow than dealing with today and making a plan for the days after that.
Procrastination often makes a situation much worse than it has to be at the outset. For example, procrastinating when you pay household bills can lead to late fees and service interruptions that simply don’t need to be there if matters are dealt with promptly.
False Optimism Isn’t A Good Thing When It Comes To Solving Problems
Some people are raging optimists who try to see the best in every situation they face in life.
While a positive attitude is never a bad thing, too much of an upbeat attitude can end up backfiring on you. Being overly optimistic is a trait that may seem positive in most life situations, but it can work against you when it comes to dealing with a serious problem.
Optimists put things off not because they don’t want to deal with them, but because they believe they will be in a better position to deal with them later on in life. For example, an optimist may put off making a payment plan for a debt because he or she thinks they will soon earn more money at a great new job, or find an overlooked loophole to get out of paying the debt altogether.
While optimism is a positive personality trait, being too optimistic and dreaming big dreams can take you away from reality and allow you to lie to yourself. Life is not a dream, and reality can be harsh sometimes, but it has to be dealt with properly to avoid further consequences.
Ignorance Is Never Bliss
Pretending to be oblivious to what is happening is another way that I have seen people avoid dealing with serious, stressful issues in life.
We all pretend to be oblivious from time to time, like when another driver is signaling to get in front of you in traffic and you simply drive ahead like you never saw them.
In those instances, being oblivious is the best way to deal with a small inconvenience. Being oblivious about the financial problems you have, or any serious problem, is a sure way to make a situation worse than it has to be. I firmly believe that being fully informed about any situation is the only way to deal with it.
You can’t deal with life properly when you go in with only half of the information.
Technology makes it easier than ever for you to be informed about any serious problem you’re facing, whether it is a tax issue, health problem or outstanding debt.
Getting all the data about your situation is a necessary step towards solving any crisis. Without looking into the problem, you may end up thinking it is worse than it actually is.
For example, if you owe a debt, the collection agency may be willing to settle for less than you owe or make a payment plan so you can reduce the debt in installments.
The only way you’re going to know is to ask and see what they say. The worst thing they can say to you in response is no. Sticking your head in the sand is not going to lead to any better response.
The Only Thing We Have To Fear Is Fear Itself
Fear is another powerful motivator that causes people to avoid dealing with serious problems in life.
When faced with a difficult situation or a powerful adversary, there is a natural level of fear that emerges in every person. Fear that your life and your family’s life will never be the same. Fear that the consequences you face will be disastrous. Fear that you can’t handle the problem at hand yourself.
It is important to remember that fear exists in humans for a reason. Fear is a healthy response that humans needed to survive centuries ago in the wild without being killed by the elements or wildlife, and it is an instinct that lets us live even today.
Fear keeps us from engaging in risky behaviors. But fear can hold you back from accomplishing your goal if you aren’t careful. To truly be successful in life, you have to find a way to push past the fear you might feel.
When you have a serious problem that has been on your mind for a while, you might start to feel like you are the only one that has ever gone through a similar situation.
Isolating yourself without talking to anyone about the problem is guaranteed to make things worse. It is like shouting into an echo chamber, your internal voice sounds extra loud because it is the only one.
The truth of the matter is that no one leads a perfect life without problems or bad decisions. Everyone makes mistakes in life or takes a turn down the wrong path from time to time.
What matters is the way you deal with these problems and go forward with your life in the future. You don’t have to let one or two bad decisions stop you from living your dream in life and becoming as successful as you want to be.
Data shows that many people who have claimed some form of bankruptcy have gone on to be very successful.
Overcoming The Problems You Face May Turn Out To Be The Best Thing To Ever Happen To You.
In my practice, one of the most rewarding things for me is that I am able to help people deal with serious IRS problems and alleviate the stress they have been carrying for so long. I know that after we have made a plan to deal with the problems they have, they will be able to get a good night’s sleep for a change.
More importantly, they will soon have their lives under control and be able to get a fresh start financially. While certain aspects of practicing law can be tedious, helping people get their lives on track is the one aspect I always enjoy the most about what I do.
Seeing them move on and prosper in life a great feeling for me.
One thing that I know for sure is that all it takes sometimes is to reach out for help to start feeling better.
The Internet has made it easier than ever for you to get the help you need and get in touch with someone anytime you’re ready, day or night. Whether that means talking to your spouse, finding a professional therapist or reaching out to a qualified attorney, taking that first step towards dealing with your issue is often enough to make you feel better.